The Experience of Defeat

[…]

I woke up then slept then woke up then slept then woke up till the night and slept… My breathing became so slow i could barely move. My heartbeats were very quiet.

I have lost all the drive i had to push forward. I had the certitude that i cannot change or evolve in the future. I have canceled the plans i had for the future because nothing seemed interesting or worth of doing an effort for. i have no energy to be active. I have lost the drive for encounters too.

My dreams have lost taste and only seemed negative or pointless. If i cannot change i could not share the experience of life with someone. i would only be stationary or doomed. If i managed to meet someone i would stay silent for the whole time and question my decision of not staying in bed.

[…]

Self.

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