Three Decades plus one

A blank mind

Weak light surrounding me

Low beat music

Lying on a mattress on the floor

Quite a cozy atmosphere for mating

There is no one here, isolation is a given for me, yet it is so clam

Soothing sounds

This note is for me so i can remember how it felt tonight

After the planet completed a cycle after my birth

A new being came to this planet

A brain formed itself

Memory was volatile at the first stages of growth

The social tendencies are a must for the human brain to interact with fellow humans, to form smaller networks then to expand to multi and complex networks in order to survive as a species

Evolution at its best on a molecular level

But what happens if the first small network is fed up with antisocial expressions

Those tendencies for grouping and working for the greater good gets fucked up

We humans are responsible for the demise of our own species

Same fate as solo animals

The outcasted from the group tend to die or kill others

They die if they are weak

They die if their own species was only able to survive as a group

Would it be because of social protocol or just because they grow in number and thus they happen to have more chance to keep reproducing and surviving the calamities of the environment would it predators, viruses, or harshness of weather

In my case the capacity for the human brain to express the tendency for empathy, sympathy, trust, and other moral social parameters was abrupt and defiled

Defiled by a complex dogmatic set of beliefs

I am not here to blame my small family, bigger family and the theocracy controlling the third world country i live in

Or may be i am

Or may be i am not

It is somehow amazing that even living and growing within a cult the human brain finds ways to disconnect, questions and remodels its principles and set of beliefs

This electro complex network of signaling neurones continues to surprise me

As cells die within our body so the whole body continues to grow and evolves

This pattern is a bit similar to human brains working under many hierarchies

Somehow individuals remodel their ideas and beliefs, then may seek similar minds and push an agenda for change after of course setteling for a while

During this process ideas and dogmatic beliefs die

Neuro cells die so new neuro patterns are made so the brain continues to grow

Dogmatic beliefs die inside one’s sense of self so new socio tendencies get enforced so new social groupings grow to change the dogmatic status quo

In this day and age and due to technology, especially the internet the human brains as a group have found ways to approach the speed of the communication of their inner nodes

The neo man is about to be born

The neo human society is about to be born

Using the internet to communicate they will find ways to change our world to the better

If we look through our history, one recorded, many anti-social behaviors and discriminations had gone away but only after thousands of years

Technology and the internet in this age have impacted many countries of the third world, many regimes were taken by the people

Nowadays Europe and America are witnessing the rise of their own populist movements

Theistic beliefs are losing many followers

Dictatorships are losing their virtue signaling veils

These social changes are attempts to change for the better

The better as in survival

Same pattern i witness inside my brain and its social tendencies

Inside my family i was brought up to believe in unreasonable set of truths while witnessing a different behaviour around me

Somehow dogmatic theistic beliefs tend to explain their failure in meeting logic by use of another illogical argument

The irony, but what is amazing is even if all power is used to make a human brain follow a set of lies, the human brain revolts against itself first then against what surrounds it because the survival instinct hits in hard

We have to understand that philosophy, psychology or any human science leading to give or question the meaning or purpose of human existence is tied to society. Because all components of these matters are related to more than one individual

A human being alone and isolated would never have access to language if there is no other individual around. Once language acquired then the quest for truth starts and all these human sciences are used to attain learning

My point here is to make the reader aware that the socio factor is important when dealing with moral existentialism. You can question human existence but only if tied to a group. This point is just a simple observation since survival of humans is no different from other species. Morality is anything leading to survival. For the group to survive tendencies to trust and empathy are important as expressions. If not expressed, the group will fail at survival thus the individual.

Back to my self and other similar minds, logic made human beings able to reason and by then use the scientific method to evolve intellectually and by then live outside our environemt: under ground, under sea, on sea, on the sky, and outer space.

Human beings are becoming closer and closer to the concept of a supernatural being, to becoming god itself

All seeing all knowing and capable of great good or great evil

Yet i am having a considerable issue to be a caring god or a cruel one

Man is master of his destiny

Should i be good or be cruel

I will let time be my witness

One thing for sure i would never be able to surpass the great human killer in recorded modern history, no not Hitler but the chinese Mao

Which is strange that Hitler is not the first on the list. If i ever meet him i would tease him a bit, i would be like you didnt get the gold medal and even Stalin killed more humans than you did

Just a series of random thoughts after another year on this planet

Self

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Libra And Death

What do we know.

There is no reason to feel for the ones who left. If life is precious why dont we shed tears for the death of other creatures. Ones we walk on, the very little ones, or those we didnt acquaint or those who lived before us. Somehow our suffering is limited. We cant recall each one of them and mourn, numbers of individuals would exceed thousands of billions and if not more. What is certain is birth and death of beings. If we die we decompose. If we lose our memories we become someone different. The brain contains memory somehow or at least emulates it. If you hit a specific brain part a person may never remember anything before the hit or they might lose the ability to remember at all. So there becomes a person who you might judge. A no human. Just a hollow corpse with a beating heart. Where is this soul, where is this spirit, the scientific method failed a figuring it out. May be it doesnt exist.

Mind manipulation research and indoctrination has shown to which point humans can believe anything, and how the anatomy of the brain is adapted to hierarchy. Our brain is made in a way to follow orders or wishes of another. Same thing in animals. Somehow we are automates and science proved the parts managing commands and resulting behavior in the brain. So our creation is predisposed to be socially indoctrinated and by then believe in unreasonable axioms while having a rush of emotions and gut feelings emulated by identifiable set of biochemicals. So the question is, why do people cling to social constructs like mourning the dead. If one dies they die, only their memory is alive but the person we know is no longer here, same as memory loss. Only a hollow body who might smile at you or be angry at you. There is no identity. When our body decompose same story. There is no need to keep telling others life is precious and thus feel so bad if they leave at will. The problem we have is the primal emotions of fear, anger and authoritarianism. The last is the worse, you feel or think you have the right to impose your own social construct or how you perceive bad and good, right and wrong. And you might even go to extreme levels of ill will in order to make the other believe the same thing and if not make them suffer physically or psychologically. You might even enjoy abusing them and form an alliance with others to pursue your dogma. You might even sugarcoat it with labels like being good or defending the innocent or any cult like brainwash. I think this is the reason we still kill each other. Each one has a will and wants to act on it belivieng they are entitled to it on the expense of the other. So the problem of humans will be ended by the end of their own existence. No word would do what shall be done. Here i ask myself, why am i writing this nihilistic approach to the social problem of death. I find no reasonable answer. This shall be a bug in my nervous system. The glitch in the matrix. The paradox of knowing and not knowing. Of finite and infinite.

Typed the philosopher who doubts their humanity. Typed the thinker who is a copy of a copy of a copy of another thinking machine. Thought the person who believes he should not be believed by himself or by others. The only thing that still shades doubt on our existence is how humans are the ones who made and used technology to transcend our environment. We conquered space and land, macro and micro, psyche and matter, sea and underground, we might be the falling gods, but disposable ones. If all of this existence has a reason, we might need more time for our collective intelligence to develop, and if not i hope aliens will finally join out truth quests. I hope they will help us answer these questions and if not let us know that there is nothing we can comprehend with our current brains. And that our consciousness is a defect.

And so said the grey alien,

You humans are a failed prototype, we tried to create intelligence to help us find the origin of existence, now we see we failed miserably. Even your AI which computing abilities exceeds so far yours is no use to us. We shall reboot this planet and launch another project.

Self

The Inner Wall

sometimes i feel like there is this huge wall inside me
something pressuring me to stay low and to never ascend
i cant describe this enough but in so many occasions i would feel like if something inside me attempts to jump but never reaches over the top
these occurrences happened multiple times
would i ever jump over it
would i ever be able to destroy or deconstruct it
i am in touch with an unimaginable potential to pierce the curtains of the unknown
i have this strange and strong inner belief that people do not look into some places
that they stop themselves from exploring many places
i feel like i have the keys i feel like i can go where no one ever went to
or may be i might find footsteps of an ancient wanderer
that somehow i would join a guild and may be part away with them
this journey might lead to me ending my current existence or it might be a non stop productive process of discovery
I feel them both inside, the wall and the wonderer
i hope one day i could flee and fly over it
And sometimes i try to look for a meaning, if there is one
what would be the meaning of me currently having this giant inner obstacle
as far as i can remember i were never this lazy or low headed
as far as i can remember i was someone who plans and executes
and till this day you will find the majority constrain you to live in a very small box
and to this day you will find the established patterns of authority call any attempt of seeking true knowledge craziness, conspiracy, or going astray from the divine path
Some kind of dogma working in every way possible to drug you and enslave you to the material necessities of life or to a set of established and unquestioned beliefs
What we know about our inner self is a story repeated for infinity
break from the loop and wake up
what we know about the external world is a couple of stories or endeavors of others
break from the loop and wake up
we know very little from what we experience
we know very little from what we perceive
These questions should represent an opening for true knowledge
to always question to always research to always expand
it seems like being critical and knowledgeable are the true virtues of this era
but to start the journey of authentic discovery we must deconstruct all the dogmatic constructs we hold inside
what is really to be certain, have you ever dived deep within you and looked where does this feeling of being certain comes from? Whenever i went through that road of self questioning i would confront either a strong anger or a strong fear, and when i did dive into the deepest and deepest corners of my inner world i would find a very strange experience of what i think would be post craziness. However i have managed sometimes to find myself in a very vast space, in which i have found a great potential to do the impossible, to be finally aware even for one very short instant of the borderless inner space, which somehow represents a quality or the very one quality we need for thriving as an aware entity in this very strange existence as a species

 

 

Self

The Aloneness Of The Human Being

{Summary}

– Introduction
– Irony of terminology
– Birth
– The aloneness of the couple
– The Aloneness of the human race and of planet Earth
– Aloneness and the challenge of transcendence

{Introduction}

The human being is an alone being. They might feel lonely or may not. Thus it is fair to be aware of the difference between being alone or feeling lonely. The latter is not the concern of the following analysis.

It is true that humans till now due to their limitations in relation to perception, and I mean here the general public, have not succeeded into agreeing on the other forms of existence that a human presence may take. Thus I must only use the concept of the physical embodiment in order to give you an instance of how a human is alone. It would be fair to add that I might include other abstract concepts for my analysis.

{Irony of terminology}

It is strange that it is rare to find a definition of the word alone without it being linked – The nature of the link being a negation- to another concept.

However, the first experience of the human being is a lone and sole one – that is consciousness-. Not related to anything else but the self. Not related to anything but the letter I. Following this way of thought one might think that the definition in itself of the word should represent its own concept. To be under the form of: a term to term definition, instead of negating another experience that is togetherness.

Since the experience of aloneness is a unique experience and does not need anything else to be defined upon it. To be alone is to be by one’s self. Sadly enough – I might grab your attention herein to the irony of this occurrence – in most cases (social interactions for instance) this experience is very much mistaken and suffers a great deal of stigma, ignorance and shame. Usually, this happens, in confusion with the feeling of loneliness. The irony being the possibility for other terms to suffer the same shame as their fake synonyms. Which is a very superficial and blind, rude and judgmental social approach.

{Birth}

Since there is much debate about gender these days I will use the term *They* or *Their* instead of it, he or she when I mean a human.

The human being as far as their memory or social knowledge can go, starts their journey inside the mother’s womb. I mean by social knowledge the shared memory of relatives, or health care officials of the moment of birth or of the experience of being and growing inside another body. One might think that the experience of the human being is related to others because they are somehow the offspring of two persons, or may be that the experience of being nurtured inside another human is a unique experience of togetherness. I understand this point of view but I cannot stop myself from thinking that it is somehow meaningless. For instance, does the mother know exactly what her baby is thinking, or if they think or not think at all. Is the mother able to translate any will of communication after birth of the child, is she able to feel exactly his needs and directly translate them? I know that some mothers have a strong intuition but it is neither a translation nor a direct understanding of the needs of the child. It is only some kind of knowing that does not involve the being of the child fully. It is a lone capacity in itself: To know what your kid or baby wants and does not involve in any way their own consciousness. Since the baby is an alone being from their first birth and before as well.

Let me represent here some of my thoughts on the process of creation of the human being and its relation to the experience of aloneness. Again, let me remind you, as mentioned before in the introduction, that I am only basing my analysis here on the agreed upon inner experiences of reality. I did so in order for this modest writing to be an input for critics to the general public including atheists or agnostics.

They go as follow,

I am. I am inside some thing. I am inside someone. But still I am alone here in the darkness of the womb. I need to eat. I am born. I am out in the world. I am born. I cry. I stare at my surroundings. I am alone. I am lifted by this person I do not know. I am forced to call her mother. But I don’t know her.

Short Analysis,

The human being after attaining consciousness, if it occurs of course, does not stop by expressing internally all his thoughts by the term I. They are concerned and are conscious of each segment of awareness – Whether being based on their needs or just by their perception-. So from birth the human being is experiencing aloneness and somehow should make their journey on this planet pretending to be related to people they have never knew or seen before.

{The aloneness of the couple}

I need to specify first what i mean by a couple. First of all, one of my motivations or rather reasons for writing this short analysis is the experience of intimacy we see in unique relationships.

I mean by unique, an experience that is not superficial: An experience of togetherness that is born from deeper matters.

I exclude here couples who agree on being together just to do as society pressures them or inspires them to do. Especially the popular phenomenon we notice on the media. Any relationship related to appearing cool or attending to the trends of attraction in the public scene: Some kind of blind imitation or shallow copycat. This latter is not the concern of this writing.

However, the context in which dwells our concern for intimacy does not have to be emptied from any kind of affinity for personal aesthetics or social exhibitionism. In other words, it should not be the main reason for the bond. Since the root of such matter should be profound and might even be – under another context – of an otherworldly nature. On the other hand this otherworldliness may be just the amplification of certain human emotions and somehow the suppression of other ones.

In the sake of semantics I would like to mention that what people would name love or lust or any term under the same umbrella may align to what I am willing to discuss in the following.

I think the best way to share my thoughts on the aloneness of couples is by getting the reader involved into an imaginary process under the form of a little story.

Feelings, possessiveness, and desire

– X and Y are in mutual love and lust.

– Y loves X selfishly, wants her only for himself and X does the same.

– X wants to be Y’s only and Y feels the same.

X and Y – being two alone persons – have their own lives. When they live their individual lives they are both conscious of their aloneness. Asynchronous availability of both of them is the proof of their individual aloneness. But when they share space and time things happen.

A moment of togetherness (of the two bodies).

– Y may take X into his arms while X will let herself being taken by him.

– X being in total submissiveness, awe, and under the charm and the aura of her lover, loses herself in an instant off time.

– X experiences Y in what might be similar to the dream state. Those dreams when you are only a watcher. You are the all-knowing eye but you have no physical or any other kind of substantial presence. You are omnipresent.

So the question is: Is that moment, being fully present, a breach of the aloneness of X? Is it really a moment when she is no longer alone?

– X is still conscious but her inner is filled more by the presence of Y.

– X melted into the presence of Y and Y is able to see her dissolve into him. It only makes him fade into her dying sleepy stare.

Whereas that exact moment of togetherness, of intimacy, is somehow off time and space, but is it really off their individual aloneness?

I might state that this is still difficult for me to think through. However the only thing I can say is:

X and Y, as a couple, are alone in that exact moment: An alone entity. Whereas the entity being a mixture of two astral bodies in awe and submission to and for each other.

{The Aloneness of the human race and of planet Earth}

The human race – alone in its intelligence amongst the rest of the known species in the animal kingdom – are the only ones who have maintained a history and even developed their civilization and technologies to a greater level to the extent of living out of their environment that is the land or ground.

Thus the human race are an alone species when it comes to comparing them with the other forms of lives on planet earth.

However, and very rarely, humans stop for one moment and think deeply about this aloneness on the planet. No other equal species. They live on their own.

No way to communicate with other species: Only theories or simulation of mutual understanding. However in reality the animal kingdom is a kingdom that is also on its own. It belongs to nature as a scenery forming the environment for the lone human.

Thus planet earth till now is the only planet supporting life. Imagine one planet spinning in the middle of darkness, where there is no sound, no light, nothing. Our planet being an alone one in its uniqueness.

Humans are indeed magnificent beings because they have managed to penetrate the physical constraints of air, ground, and seas.

In our millennium humans are doing multiple research studies, experiments and inventions in order to visit other astral objects. But for what really? Isn’t it obvious that the human being should stop looking, stop reaching out to the unknown and to the dark? For the human is a lone being, sole and living on its own till death proves us wrong if it does?

{Aloneness And The Challenge Of Transcendence}

Before advancing my theories or thoughts, I must remind the reader, that this whole writing is an object for constructive criticism. Since it will enable me to rethink and do more research to see the problematic from another perspective and even publish other editions of the actual writing.

Penetration of the aloneness by the supreme, unknown or divine: The experience of transcendence.

This part is just an opening for further writings and should be considered under the attention of the reader as a preface for another take on the issue of aloneness.

Transcendence can be seen as a spiritual experience since the being of the spirit – under different theological contexts – is a mean for communication with the divine. It can also be considered as the manifestation or rather the discovery of and connection to the root self. That is the astral body of the human being.

Apparently there are stages for the alone human being to go through before reaching that phenomenon. The stages being related to the elements of earth, water, fire and air, then divine light. A struggle in between the earthly body, the heart and the mind in order to experience one’s spirit and then the supreme and higher intelligence. A discipline of purification of some sort under divine care from the chains of the human ego.

Divine light might shed on the alone human being making him vulnerable to the experience of what’s above the limits of his own and lone experience of his self. Thus being aware of the divine light that was kept inside, folded and hidden.

You can now ascend to the heavens, to the upper sky and go through the other realms.

Here comes my wonder: Will the human being, under this spiritual transmutation, be broken from the chaining cage that is aloneness?

Self.
Last Edition: 16:18 07/11/2016

An Inner Journey: October Is Near

Side Note: The last part of this writing is a lucid dream i had during the last days of the holy month of Ramadan. A first of this degree.

While trying to find a way to handle or to control this abrupt unbalance of my inner well-being, i have found myself looking for a hidden trail. It was not my intention to look for it in the beginning. On the contrary, I tried to forget about its existence. At that time, It did not exist at all. Somehow, and against my will, signs started showing. Hints that proved its strong chance to manifest itself as a ruling pattern: The dreary visions of life. Not life as the whole living creation since nature still holds its grip on my soul, flushing my inner temple with such a soothing tranquility. Nature, one of my rare possible escapades. At this point I am still on the surface of things. I did not dive in enough nor I took distance from within to perceive them as merely visions. Unfortunately they still seemed related to the real world, representing my actual physical surrounding.

While in the middle of this unfaithfulness, I asked my self, how can I come back to my root self: The ancient and ethereal being? Have I ever made contact with it? Am I just the pilling up of solely earthly matter and a poor track of fading memories? Have I forgotten what all of this is about? I keep starring at these tired, cold human faces and bending backs. Hollow creatures as they appear to be. I keep telling myself, am I not one of them? However, in each time I know and feel that something is lacking… Is this a curse? Have I done something wrong?

I am still skeptic to all of this however I still feel like my magic is disappearing or rather leaking. I have the impression that I am turning slowly into a hollow vessel. Is there someone here? Is there someone? I need to find the key to my hidden tomb, I need to touch my astral body, I need to open the gates of the surreal…
And there in front, stood three icy, thin and tall identic mountains. I am walking on a wooden alley. A very cool air is caressing me. In my right, some Asian carps swimming, and a small floating wooden vapor machine. In my left, green and thick short bushes. I can feel the cold of the clouds facing me, but behind my back, at my right, I hear a movement. I feel a presence, a dark one. As I turn my head I am confronted to a shady stare, having the appearance of a man, I have the certainty it is not. Deep inside, there is a strong knowing that it ain’t what it seems to be. The shadows are lurking in his side and suspicious stare. The intruder is here. I shall wake up now and disappear from this other-worldly existence.

A stronger and crucial reality still and had always existed elsewhere… And will always be till and after the end of times…

 

Self.

End Of The World – Part I

This is a story of the future. There is a belief that someone from the future had made contact with a local from our life time. This local resident was willing to confide in me.

Planet Earth survived the international nuclear war. Survived remains still a vague term because if you look in to the state of nature you will notice a major degeneration. There is only two seasons and they are covering the whole planet: The nuclear fall and summer. Each week millions of people die. The people left alive are mostly mutants, deformed or disabled they are no good to anyone and to their turn count the days before their certain death. Animals, insects, birds and fish have known the same fate. Their genetic code has been altered hence new forms of beings emerged. The number of healthy humans who did not get affected by the nuclear calamity is in the scale of ten millions based on a worldwide statistics.

There is only one government ruling the planet. The heads of this authority are the offspring of the ones who ruled the world in the shadows decades ago. Now their identities are known to the public. They are ex-members of the earliest leading industries, the military, oil, alcohol and cigarettes, medicine and the meat industry. Others are ex-heads of the biggest financial organizations and of course ex-godfathers who kept their business in the black market over the entire world. People who have made it to this governing table have now the greatest responsibility, a weight that no one has ever lifted before.

The execution of the decisions and policies should be passed over the table of counselors. They hold the last word on these political matters. Either they will accept or deny. This table gathers different philosophers, artists, intellectuals, and the heads of the lasting cults who somehow maintained their authority and might over the decades.

The state of affairs during this critical age is a bit different from what the human history have witnessed. The universal values which humans have always fought for had been diminished and altered. Human rights are no longer a flag you will hold high or defend during court trials.

There is this wave of darkness that invaded each human heart. The secrets of creation have been unveiled. Every human before sleep gets awestruck by a vision, a dark sky, a dark sea, and a fading celestial object. May be a moon, may be a planet, or a star.

The underlying confidence of the heads of government has been lost. All that has been left is a mask of sanity. Behind the mask, every charismatic figure has lost their mind. They all think the same but don’t have the courage to share it.

“Life now is pointless. You are powerless. Millions of people die each year because of their weak immunity systems. Our bodies will soon know the same fate. The new scientific inventions that we are using to maintain or prolong our life time are not that efficient. No hope is left and there is no place where to hide. Our race will be exterminated and no one will be able to stop this calamity. Our lives are pointless. This game will end soon.”

The philosophers are on the same boat. Something that never happened before. Philosophy has always been the representation of the multitude of schools of thoughts. Now their ideas are the same. No question has been left to wonder.

“It is all clear now. This natural instinct of survival was a hoax. How come people of the past were motivated by this lame and insane idea? There is no need or motive to protect one’s life.”

Away from the table of counselors, the heads of cults have appointed a secret meeting. This round table in the shadows has seven chairs. Every authority has brought a copy of their own holy scriptures. They have all agreed on making a new sacred book. The book will contain only one chapter. And it should be inspired by elements of their cult beliefs. These elements will be featured only for the purpose of denial. The last verses were:

“In order to swim into the dark sea
In order to look up at the dark sky
In order to reach the fading astral object
We have to end our existence on this dying world
We have to end it for once and all
We have to leave soon”

To be continued.

Self.

The dilemma of human life from a deviant perspective

The following is an input for philosophical consideration to question the status quo of the universal and agreed upon moral system. It is not in my intention to promote violence or any antisocial behavior. If you are inclined or at risk of committing any harmful or antisocial acts, seek professional help immediately.

Have you ever wondered about the unbelievable number of human beings on earth ? Their number rise and rise after each generation and by then consume more natural resources and harm the planet. What i am going to discuss here is not the human hazard that tracks and threatens the symbiosis of our planet but rather something else.

The way multiplicity has played its role in the spread of the human breed does not seem a valuable one. I see and notice a pattern of presentation. A pattern that repeats itself to the point that i begin to lose my temper and by then having a difficulty sustaining a sense for good judgment. Some of you may argue that the human consciousness is more than just a matter of presentation. I think you are right but somehow i feel that something lacks. Something that gives these low form of life a value. The only way i can put it is that many great minds or spirits have never asked for any kind of appreciation or self worship. If they did i would understand. But the thing is there are billions of humans who think they are the center of the universe and somehow that planets should spin around them. I still struggle to find the exact words or any way of expression that will allow me to project my intimate and alienating disgust of the human race. It just feels like that this great number of humans along with the multitude of hierarchies that represent authority should be annihilated in one short instant in order to have a new set of thoughts concerning the real meaning or in other words, the real value of human life on this planet.

My Deviant Self