While you find yourself focused on your own life trying to advance on another path you might come to the conclusion that you have to do it and that you dont have a choice but to be ready and accept the consequences while thinking about one person. You think of your past years and look towards the future trying to challenge yourself and make a change. Something that counts and seems important in this world of humans. While being in this solid shell you forget that the other person might have a totally different perspective. They might have given up that path because of its failing nature and look towards another path which will bring them materialistic gratification which is an individual endeavor in the manner that it is devoid of alien will. May be they are balanced socially. They dont partake in personal isolation, they treat the world of others as one dimensional plane. No room for another since there is another around 24/7. If something happens in that category it might be casual or very short termed. They would go on their life thinking that the only thing they can invest in is what they can take hold of and use without consent since it is devoid of consciousness or sense of self. I dont know what to think of this. May be i am doomed because i still give my self a chance to think of partnership when i and only once took over my anxious self. No room for light. Should i also abort this quest of another… should i focus on another side in which i can expand which is another kind of independent shelter. But i know that i only consider it so i would mate with another. But if it is a lost cause already i dont think i am able to handle others for a short while. Like a writer who would spend a chunk of his life with a person which will leave eventually since their focus was never in companionship but on other affairs. Whenever i find myself thinking this way i cant help but manifest the incel in me, in a manner such as, others are not really into this partnership deal, that only men seek this kind of lifestyle, the voice inside me tells me that they wouldnt care for that or sacrifice things for it, they would be like why do i care, to hell with him and his control freak desires… a man tries to build a home, and women are interested in other things, that somehow they cant comprehend the extreme need in men to find someone … but again i try to reason with myself, and say that it is not a gender issue. It is an individualistic issue each man or woman have their own vision or way of life. And that failure in partnership lies on the people at hand. Might be a question of timing or a deal of attraction. May be life has put the few encounters i had into a dead end from the start. I might be guilty of my own lack of growth. May be i evolved psychologically and emotionally in a way that made the probability of meeting someone compatible to 0. May be if i didnt isolate myself i would have morphed into a different person. Someone who is not me. I guess all of this shows how i didnt adapt to the world of humans. At times it just seems so alien to my nature. Like if an existence on this planet wasnt supposed to be. Some kind of mistake in the system. If only assisted self destruction was a normal thing. That would have been such a resting place for my mind. To join with the void for once and all.