I must be insane

Disclaimers on my blog to be read first.

It is to be noted that the self destructive man holds a plethora of destructive forces inside.

This force field is indeed contained within. The longer it lingers inside the human vessel the more strength it gains. Such a field has the ability to bring the miracle of life to end. Such caractrestic is able to end other forms of life. One should be aware to be careful of such implosion of ill will.

The best i can do now is to flee because till now my nature is loyal to the universal principles of mankind.

If one day or night my person is to be pressured, for instance blocked from any attempt of flight, things will get ugly as a result. Do not expect a clean simple execution. Nay the beast obeys to the primitive instincs we hold inside. Animalistic behavior and even more. I will not only tear your flesh like a lion a bear or a crocodile. I will first torture, then experiment then i will try to be creative dealing with your insides. I might burn or apply pressure or talk to the meat and blood i see. I will puke and advance my animalistic manner of ending your ego to what some would call art.

Self and Deviant Self


A mirror into the self, one which flatters not

I have befriended the beast for two decades

Why should it breath inside of me?

Why should my vessel be its shelter?

Why should it govern my tempel?

Nay, not the beast

We are many here

In truth there is no oneness of the self

I am the gentle thinker and i should be allowed to speak

Not allowed but i will and do

We are not many

We are the product of your might

Or may be of the might

Should any thing be a property of another entity?

I breath inside you

I am you, i am I

I am the host and i have the power to disrupt this council

The mad laughed and said: enjoy your moments of sanity and lead

But soon i and we will reign

Chaos reigns

To be continued


Hate me instead

The portrayal of betrayal

A hand reaching to another

The dagger of dismal

A heart comforting another

On the altar of destruction

Reigns human misanthropy

How come the offspring of a species

Hate and wish for the end of its own kind

The chalice of caprice

Tasting the lips of another

The bell of the afterworld

Believing the word of a lover

On the candle of agony

Burns my lusting heart

Shall i be protected from such a plague

To love one another


Knife on my throat

There has been a curve in the three dimensions. I rolled down aiming to the dent of the plain space. Images from the dream state were not a fakery of memory. Instead, some kind of prevoyance. I feel like how life can turn at an instant of abrupt change is coming closer. There is going to be a trustworthy watcher but not an agency for defense. The mad man will stare and laugh while the slaughter has already began. How the residents of other world will treat me is a thing i have no knowledge of. One thing is sure is that the state i am in is alien to the majority. The alienation in itself is a sign of departure. Once you are willing to leave you will notice elements showing themselves one after another. Elements of a new way of being. A progressive dehumanization which is essential for the journey of departure. A no longer human self. Instead, a mockery of dignity.


Do you know I

I will remove my faces

One after another

I will peel off my personas

One after another

I am the host

The nature of the host is a deserted temple or castle

A destroyed building in which pillars are still standing

I have held many inner meetings

These were my inner attendants

Some were present some were absent

I know that when the time will come God the one who we have his breath inside will judge us as one

We sure are split but He the judge will pass his will

If it is going to be we will fuse and suffer in eternal fire

Could i or us take in such way to perish in pain

Nay but we have no other choice

The mad clown

The gentle thinker

The silent

The killer

The ancient wise

The scientist scholar and researcher

The artist

The writer

The sexual deviant

All are within

And of course other entities hidden in distant rooms within the inner temple

God the greater ego have shown me the steps to follow in order to grasp some of his unlimitless divine knowledge

I stand herein within perplexed

I dispose of my selves and think alone

But after three decades of incarnation into a human body on planet Earth

I started losing integrity

The mad clown and the killer are taking more ground of the meetings

The ancient wise is levitating all seeing

The silent may follow their lead

Chaos is coming

My own

Am i ready for the white fire

Am i ready to witness the wrath of God

Am i ready to bring the shadows to this world and see others suffer within my presence

Am i ready to be accountable for my actions

Am i ready to destroy which stands in front of me

Am i ready for departure

Am i

Am i no thing

Am i

… in such moments of silence before the storm

I hear a voice calling for Wiktoria

But what can be done if my call was answered

Will i come back to my balance

Will her charm her magic her mind her parallel existence swallow me and devoid me of my destructive second nature

Or will it only fuel me with more aura to act

To leave and never come back

To hurry to shorten my stay here

To run towards the next stage of existence

Beware beware beware

Chaos reigns


Excerpts from my diary

Amidst inner turbulence

A self which never existed really

What is new is a tempo

A tempo which will give me more time before any active fatality

Still, new energies have come and sensations

With it came a mixture of ill will and strict will

I abstained and headed back to my nest which is the biggest city here

While on train i rethought ending my existence

One voice jumped, but you still can live for a while without being dependant

I replied, yes

You will still maintain your stand on not hurting foes

I replied, yes

But why then? Where does it come from? This sense or even romance of ending your life?

May be i have never existed? May be inside me, there only exist echoes of voices coming from the outside

A hollow temple

Then i looked at the window, and it hit me, a strong calling from nature, two big trees and tall palms were standing with a majestic sense of things

I was in awe and was moved deeply

I heard

Come, come to nature, meet the source of life, live here as the ancient human once did.

You, are, free