Life destroyed not created

May be i should get back to spoken word & record.

My hatred for the human race is growing again, this species should be exterminated and never see the light of existence not to say that it leads a peaceful turn of events but sadly enough chaos covers only a very small portion. The rest continues to breath and breed even in warzones. The idea to join a militia to eradicate any entity saying I is very tempting. The plan would be to burn the atmosphere of the planet, many will suffocate and the rest would burn by the sun god. To hell with humanity.

.

Self

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The fucking bridge

My own death wouldnt be dim of light

It is going to be magickal

Filled with muse and purple colors

A symphony is playing in my ears while falling

The angels dancing

And the demons laughing

Finally i will end this lame story

I can hear the chorus

All colors are showing

What a feeling of ecstasy

What a great sense of relief

I am disconnected from the past and the future

And yet i can see the ground i am heading to

I am so proud of my self that i didnt fail my mission

I thank the heavens for being able to do it

Fear death no more for i will crush my skull to death

No more pain no more disappointment

Only me only the end

I am so glad i am falling

I am a hero, no a superhero

I love this act

I am so proud of my self

I did it i jumped i will die soon

I will be no more

So beautiful so charming

To destroy one’s self

Yes yes yes, die you piece of shit

You loser

Do it by your own will

What a sense of accomplishment

I am so glad i was able to do it alone

.

Self

Here i Die

One of the greatests disappointments is losing dark Mana. Dark Mana is essential for enduring life’s hurdles. Dark Mana is what i feed off to be the true me, my truest self, not an angelic form but a demonic one, one which should bring chaos and despair in order to manifest my freedom in case of fatality… if i was skilled enough it would have been the ultimate weapon to strike any one who plans to trap me.

I should die with style. Prefably overseas. The only thing i would regret, the one in mind right now is not meeting W. Anyways i need that dark energy in order to do it fearlessly. To hell i say at the end.

Sadly enough the world is populated with billions of people if we can trust the numbers that is to say. All the ill will you see manifesting in the world nowadays or in the past couldnt come in terms with the curse known as humanity. Sadly enough i have no power to erase this species from the face of the planet. That is such a sad story indeed. Even if we use the help of our friends the insects to spread a deadly virus the human genius will find a way to at least quarantine many areas to deal with it. For now nature cant take humanity off the planet how sad… would it be volcanos, earth quakes or storms they only kill humans on that exact spot. If a meteorite hits our planet it will only kill who it will strike. I only have the sun to pray to burn our atmosphere, in this case few humans can deal with if they anticipate it well. They would have outer space to flee to or underground facilities which many were built and go deep underground. The nuclear winter cant do shit, humans nowadays with a high nuclear contamination have tens of years to still operate before witnessing molecular alterations. How sad for humanity to still prevail. Democracy or any other moral group system is not in fact salvation, for only the corrupt rise on top while virtue signaling to the ignorant masses. How sad… if only i could bring an end to the World. I cannot for i am only an individual amongst billions. I cannot for i am weak. The only thing left for me as a meaning for what will come afterwards is to bring an end to the world, not as it is but as i know it, that is my world my temple my self…

To Hell i say to humanity and to the torment which might await me in the pits of the unknown and nothingness.

Self

Diaries of a Wimp, Entry2

Side Note : i hate sharing this side of my persona

.

I had to make a […]

I was so insecure

I couldnt do it

I walked a long distance

Saw the place bypassed it

Came back and told myself

It is ok to not be able to do it

Social anxiety or fear of not being able to handle a pathetic situation in which i should harden my tone while my face would show signs of insecurity and lack of confidence

I was told many times how my facial expression showed signs of fear while i wasnt aware of it. Then i thought, if my face displays motions of my unconscious how about when i am conscious of my awkwardness and doing my best to hide it. In this case i suppose i wouldnt be able to play the game. It will make things difficult for me.

Last time i couldnt say hi or welcome

It was so awkward to me

I hated myself in that moment because i couldnt use the greeting words i am used to use for fear it would come across as a weird thing to say

Anyways this time. First shop was closed, second same thing.

For the last one, there was many […] people i just couldnt do it

Before i didnt have the confidence because it was

[…]

but still couldnt deal with the situation

[…]

I dont know

Tomorrow i will find another shop

We will see how i am gonna behave

But it doesnt make sense

Why i cant do it now

Why tomorrow should be welcoming?

May because i have been in the same shop brand so i know a bit how its gonna be

Emm may be this is like approaching girls

Sometime you feel like you cant do it

And sometimes it just is easy

Ah yes today there was this tall girl

Who looks a bit masculine but in a beautiful way

You can say a bit of two people i know

I looked at her

And while she was talking to me

I felt a bit intimidated by her height and how she was talking to me

She was younger than me

For an instant i was taken by her aura and i submitted to her energy

I felt a weird high somehow sexual somehow weirdly spiritual

It was magickal

Then i murmured some words said an insecure thank you and walked away like a fucking wimp

She managed the conversation very well though

.

I hate my self as well

You fucking wimp

.

Self

Diaries of a Wimp, Entry1

Only the lord knows how much hatred i have for them

Those arrogant talkheads talking so loud

They think they are smart they are very young without any experience of real hardship in life

All the things in life were given to them by men and family

They continue talking loudly

Bitch

Shut the fuck up and be modest

You are just a little smartass

Stop talking to your mom with that tone

Either be with her or leave her

In either case stop talking so loud

Bitch

I bet she found a good paying job right away after getting a good diploma allowing her to boss around people older than her wimp father

Someone who didnt beat her enough to know how to behave with respect and dignity

Only god knows how i hate them

Dont get me wrong she is attractive and well dressed

But i just hate them how cocky how arrogant talking to her mom with a second language.

Someone needs to slap that bitch in the face and teach her some manners. For god sake how did i find myself in this situation

Once she urged her mom to go out. I waited till they were both outside to steal a look at her since i wasnt looking when i sat in front of her

The thing is her eyes were scouting my location till both our stares met. I was in shock since i didnt expect a vulnerable expression i felt a weird beautiful connection like if i was looking at a girl i know like if i was looking at myself. She had skinny legs as well… wearing black fake leather

In that moment i suppose my heart was taken over by her gentle stare

I thought then, it is true that when i visit my mom and talk to her i use a patronizing tone… so strange

Somehow we unleash our anger at our mothers because they greet us with kindness

May be we are so fucked up we lack respect and feel entitled to it

Because mothers care while we hate ourselves and somehow we have only anger and frustration to express

I hate my self as well

You fucking wimp

Self

Is she breathing

And so i did

I traveled overseas

This is the first time i set foot on this land

I will stay here for a couple of days

I will look for her

I might find her, if she is alive

I am not sure of what i am gonna see

I will look her right in the eyes

That way she will know it is not me

For i do not stare into the eyes of humans

Or may be that is me, the one

I am the one, i am no longer the host

I knew you will find me, but i am no longer the one you talked to in the past

Who are you

She stopped talking

It is you, isnt it

Our hour has finally come, follow me

I followed her steps, we are leaving the buildings

She is making her way into the forest

I followed her while feeling an extreme anger inside me

I have lost the initiative, she got the lead now or whatever has spoken to me

While walking slowly on the snow, i didnt look up to the sky

There is no sky, only heavy and dark black clouds

We continue walking while the woods are getting denser and denser

She stopped and didnt turn around

I had to face her, now i am only watching

The one stepped ahead, i cant hear their conversation

But i hear her voice

I am no longer in my body, why did you come look for me

I dont know why, may be i just had enough of life

What made you come, did you hear my voice before

No, only now. What are they talking about ?

I have no clue, but do you remember what i told you about him

Yes even though you didnt tell me much but i somehow know

What do you know?

Nothing… i mean, what s gonna happen now?

Tell me about the one

The one… emm i tried my best to give him green light to handle things for me

Why?

I was in a spiral, not downward… though he told me it should have been the case … he said, it should have been the case from a long time ago

So

So what …

Tell me, how did you recognize him

Your eyes have grown bigger and you smiled in the middle of the conversation

What have i told you in the past about him?

That you were aware of his presence

What about yours

I dont know if i can hold him here for more time

Tef, listen, things might get ugly, i dont want to live with your memory slaughtered here like a pig

But i want to Wiki, that is what i have always wanted… if i cant slice your throat, you better take my head off my body first

Finally i can leave

Finally i can

Finally

Hail Satan

.

Self

.

Wicky

Who writes here, on this blog

There are many facades to myself

In an inward manner that is to say

Sometimes i call them selves sometimes personas sometimes voices

They have taken the liberty to be outspoken and to offend others, me included

Not all of them are uncivil but surely some of them are

To each one of them lies a certain set of beliefs

With time i have learned that some of them die only to get resurrected again from the ashes

May be they are immortal

As long as i slay them they find ways to manifest again, if not via tearful eyes

I often find myself in those moments surprised or bewildered by what just happens

Now i guess they all lie down, stay low so i can write about them, me the host

They live in the inner temple

Some of them were behind closed doors

Others were infant and only now they have chosen to partake in my life

They were thirsty to engage in this existence only to deem my life to destruction

I was lucky enough i didnt gave him a chance

I have one particular in mind, it is him whom i am willing to disclose in a few sentences

I never thought that this persona was in fact one of the residents of the inner temple

Now that he has taken much space inside that i was able to gather some hints

During my childhood or teen years i had a couple of alien dreams, alien to my nature… apparently they were related to his lifestyle but it was so dark and strange that i have never thought it has to do with his existence

Now or just in the near past he took possession of me and started planning and coordinating with other humans in what i suspect to be his plan

When he took over me i didnt have second thoughts, he was surprisingly active and determined to accomplish what he seeks which is totally different from the way i am carrying my life these days

I am very grateful i am becoming aware of his agenda. I must do all what is possible to stop him from ruining what was left of my life

I dont need any other complication

I only have to focus in maintaining a safe protocol

At some point he was about to lure me into letting him proceed as he wishes

Now that i am thinking about it i can see that he was feeding off some traits of my personality, the likes of which might have driven into suspicion many of individuals but i have always denied it or got angry at such demeaning descriptions of character

Now he is here alive and wicked to the point he will chase after my lack of self consciousness only to catch me and put me inside a cage which will turn to be the worst of nightmares

They feed from desires

They feed from ideas and fiction

They promise me pleasure and satisfaction

They track me with their alight eyes behind the darkest shadows

Self