Cutting Edge

Wicky standing inside the darkest corner of my mind, thin, tall, her serpentine body stands silently while a dark cross is glowing on her pale skin, she bewitched me and couldnt but let my mind cross the borders of decency, each step i make towards sinning a part of my soul and heart gets burned and the more i succumb to her otherworldly charm, i am slowly fading away till i was no longer, i have become a flame, blown away by magick to the nothingness of decay

 

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Cutting Edge: Detail_3

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Self

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Unsent Letters: Dreary Visions Of Life

You have invaded my thoughts lately

In a very strong way

My skeptic mind tells me it is just an obsession

May be my world revolves around you

At this point of my thoughts, I don’t really know

May be this happened because I have isolated my self from the world of humans

I couldn’t relate much to it

But you, your memory, didn’t desert me

It is not like I have a vivid worldly vision of our life together

Sometimes I think, if it ever happened, our reunion, it would be out the borders of space time

I am confused, but the longing for your company lingers in the dark corners of my mind

I don’t know if you are alive or dead, but still, I think about you

You reside in this realm, the unreality that eats away the rigid world I have found myself in

I don’t know if you are still as I remember you, you were not attached to what this world had to offer, if it had offered anything at all,

You lived in your own domain, some kind of paradox in which even the self doesn’t recognize itself, a multitude of stabs in the dark within an infernal presence, may be the root of that alienation, may be it or they are also lost inside you

Sometimes they manifest in mirrors, lurking, grinning, and sometimes speaking loudly, and sometimes you are it, you are them, or may be they are the eye looking for you, may be they are the fire wanting to walk with you, and I do as well

May be you didn’t change at all, may be you are your own second nature, may be you are still there somewhere,

May be I am wrong, may be you have adapted to the world of mortals, may be you have grown out of it, know one thing, I didn’t, I couldn’t, and may be sometimes, I don’t want to, I am still trapped, I want to escape, don’t know exactly where or how, but there is this one mystery, the end that touches every tortured mind, if it is indeed inevitable why not bend the law of time and be first at reaching it, a race against the claws of death

To end it for once and all, I don’t really know

May be I am making no sense

But long story short, if you are alive I would like to see you, eye to eye,

I have already made a plan

It would be a waste to execute it before meeting you

 

Would it be a lie if I told you? I feel like you are the closest one that tried to reach out to me, you were so close some times you have already entered my inner temple, with all these chunks of my leaking astral light which i project into spilled black ink, you were the only one I was able to tell and would listen, you were kind enough to turn your shoulders towards my rotting bones …

 

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Self

Wicky

Trapped in a Dark Corner

Side note: i didn’t care to choose a better wording for what follows, i just wanted to puke my insides on the screen, and to leave them for memory

A rambling before the last conscious breath…

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i am not your suicide ticket
That voice keeps ringing in my ears like a fucking lame outro
Allure
That movie just fucked me up
Couldnt take off her image, her memory from my mind
may be all of this doesn’t amount to anything
a fucking room getting smaller and smaller
till there is no way out
submerged in the fucking darkness
suffocating in the middle of my thoughts
of my future scenes of decay and lament
i am losing my breath and everything else just gets worse and worse
even the meaning of life or existence fades away
not even nothingness
but instead a fucking dark water
falling down
drowning, drowning in the dark and the cold
there is no way out
no way out
and my surroundings are closing on me
my inner temple is not vast anymore
i went inside, i dived in, but all the circles, the fucking rings are closing in
it just sucks
it just is
this pressure, the fucking dream, my fucking ticket to Hell is rotting till there is no meaning to it
a fucking dense atmosphere of frustration, fear and hopelessness
if only i could make it painfully beautiful
painfully dreamy
a high i was intending to ride for the last fall

there is nothing
nothing anymore

may be i am gonna meet her tonight
for a second time in my dreams

if it happens, i wish i will never wake up again

no more light

only the darkness prevails

take my life away
take my soul to the void

let it be me no more

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her blood stopped running towards her fallen right arm

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Self

 

Wicky

Loss and Failure

While you find yourself focused on your own life trying to advance on another path you might come to the conclusion that you have to do it and that you dont have a choice but to be ready and accept the consequences while thinking about one person. You think of your past years and look towards the future trying to challenge yourself and make a change. Something that counts and seems important in this world of humans. While being in this solid shell you forget that the other person might have a totally different perspective. They might have given up that path because of its failing nature and look towards another path which will bring them materialistic gratification which is an individual endeavor in the manner that it is devoid of alien will. May be they are balanced socially. They dont partake in personal isolation, they treat the world of others as one dimensional plane. No room for another since there is another around 24/7. If something happens in that category it might be casual or very short termed. They would go on their life thinking that the only thing they can invest in is what they can take hold of and use without consent since it is devoid of consciousness or sense of self. I dont know what to think of this. May be i am doomed because i still give my self a chance to think of partnership when i and only once took over my anxious self. No room for light. Should i also abort this quest of another… should i focus on another side in which i can expand which is another kind of independent shelter. But i know that i only consider it so i would mate with another. But if it is a lost cause already i dont think i am able to handle others for a short while. Like a writer who would spend a chunk of his life with a person which will leave eventually since their focus was never in companionship but on other affairs. Whenever i find myself thinking this way i cant help but manifest the incel in me, in a manner such as, others are not really into this partnership deal, that only men seek this kind of lifestyle, the voice inside me tells me that they wouldnt care for that or sacrifice things for it, they would be like why do i care, to hell with him and his control freak desires… a man tries to build a home, and women are interested in other things, that somehow they cant comprehend the extreme need in men to find someone … but again i try to reason with myself, and say that it is not a gender issue. It is an individualistic issue each man or woman have their own vision or way of life. And that failure in partnership lies on the people at hand. Might be a question of timing or a deal of attraction. May be life has put the few encounters i had into a dead end from the start. I might be guilty of my own lack of growth. May be i evolved psychologically and emotionally in a way that made the probability of meeting someone compatible to 0. May be if i didnt isolate myself i would have morphed into a different person. Someone who is not me. I guess all of this shows how i didnt adapt to the world of humans. At times it just seems so alien to my nature. Like if an existence on this planet wasnt supposed to be. Some kind of mistake in the system. If only assisted self destruction was a normal thing. That would have been such a resting place for my mind. To join with the void for once and all.

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Self

In memory of the Nightstalker

Words of him i kept in my mind, may be altered, may be faithful to what he said, may be not

The way he spoke, his stare, his dark eyes, his posture, his unfaithful nature which fails at hiding sometimes and just gives an immense sensation of unease and worry… even amongst his fellow convicts they did their best not to be near him… his silence, his voice, the way he had to breath in order to communicate his conviction in what seemed to be deeper to grasp for the shallow human

Of course they have feelings

Serial killers do what human beings have done and do for ages on a massive scale

These are blood thirsty times

Aren’t we all evil

Violent delights tend to have violent ends

I can tell you a little bit about satanism

It is power without charity

Undefiled Wisdom

Satan admits to being evil

The perfect world most people seek shall never come to pass

I dont care to explain that. Let the quote stand for itself

Yes i am. I am evil

I have given up love and happiness a long time ago

But then they dont

They might have a conscience

They might change their mind after they talk to them, or have pity,

But then they might have none

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Self

To Hell With It

Written last week end

[…]

The dark side of each peson shall meet indeed, if both have an affinity for writing prose or poetry, if both can somehow show the other via this medium that is language, container of a large ancient culture, dreamy and magical, then the downward spiral towards the abyss shall begin. i dont know how much this companionship may last, may be a day, a week, more or less, but to be honest with the reader, that is what i seek. Under this context only one comes to mind, that is W.

If such encounter in the realm of space happens, i would be glad to drink each moment, i would be glad to lose my mind starring into her eyes, feeling her presence and engaging in whatever comes to her mind. But then if there comes a moment in which she resolves to the decision to desert my memory, if i was in such situation in which she has to return to her inner temple in isolation and wonder, i would walk the earth thinking about what i have lived, i would think deeply about this human existence in which minds like her are bound to something else, in which minds like me give strong thoughts to early leave. i would be wondering aimlessly in the northern woods,

i will seek the icy mountains and the lurking predators

i shall walk on thin ice thinking into myself

Beasts of the dead forest you can dispose of my flesh vessel as you wish

Tear it apart and in agony nourish your hunger

i shall walk under the blackness of the dark sky and think into myself,

Polar cold take my breath away and freeze my heart to death
i now shall forfeit this wretched wrecked world

one i couldnt understand

one i couldnt relate to

One so alien to my nature

To my true self

Behold, kingdom of hell

i am coming

Behold,

I shall end my journey here

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Self

 

Wicky

The Sinister Calling

Are you ready for a bigger, deeper black hole?

Are you ready for chaos ? a greater one ? One you have never experienced, one that if fortunate enough would be the fuel you will need to take you to the kingdom of Hell

Gravity would be the vehicle of course
And Agony your companion till the end

i dont know man, i dont really know

You have trapped me with your question, or foretelling as i suspect you might follow and say

True, i wanted to call it that, but then reading the future is a tricky thing you know

You are leaving me with no choice, no other path, is this an impasse?

Who knows, but your journey is pretty much fucked up, and you might be the only one to blame for it.

You didn’t make any effort to correct its trajectory
I might add, you only added more curves, and turns every here and there

Yeah, may be i am on a spiral, it should have been a downward spiral right ?

Who knows, may be it is heading downward and you dont even know it

The thing is, you are not doing this for the army of of the fallen prince, nor for his legacy
You are doing this to yourself without any sense of purpose

Is my demise not a purpose to you?

emm i dont think so, i guess your doomed fate would be only a casualty

what do you mean?

i mean something not worth mentioning, some sort of waste if you dont mind me say

emm a waste, well, i dont recall asking for this, why didnt i have just been part of the fucking nothingness

But the nothingness is already in you, it is calling you, doing its best to implode you from the inside

That is indeed the black hole calling
That is indeed the worm hole leading to the kingdom of Hell

You wish

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Self