Stargaze and bloodshed

Once I picked up my black pencil and wanted to write

All these little creatures started running, not away but all over the place

Where does this fear, I suppose, come from

Why feel the sudden urge to suppress myself from writing

Why resist what I am feeling and what inspired me to write

 

I remembered her out of the blue

Not exactly since I stumbled upon one of her shared playlists

Once I played the music I was already transported

To that weird dreamy domain

Painted in every corner by her astral light

 

Does she know what kind of realm she created inside my mind

My skeptic self tells me that her reality and unreality have nothing to do with what I am experiencing now

That somehow I am just projecting

I beg to differ

I went and reread one of her last shared notes

I was in awe because I thought

Such mind knows how unique it is

Yet they are tormented

I was for an instant in awe that she knows her potential, her otherworldly piercing sight

I thought I was not wrong for lusting after her second nature

I thought I was not wrong

That moment created a disconnect and a distance

I put her on a pedestal

Then I thought that is exactly what I went through

To suddenly or swiftly lose your might, in my case, arms to the ground, facing the reality that my vessel was rotting, as well as my intellect, to lose your intelligence and the belief that you can deal with anything as powerful as it seems to be

I once thought, all walls of this mortal world shall break in front of my insanity

With the age, I have known lesser and lesser of might

To fall helpless and hopeless

To hear the clock ticking

But this time not in my favor

Instead, in favor of chaos

Then a city came to my mind, then an ethnic history came to my mind, a bloodline

Then I thought, Is that what we have in common

While oriental steady beats were playing in the background

I was already lost in thought

A voice inside me said

She is married

It followed and said

How do you think her husband would react to this note I am sharing

May be crush me to death

What a strange world we live in

As far as humanity does its best to stray away from animal instincts

It and only but succumbs to it

The rule of the jungle

Competition and ownership

Death and fatality

But then I digress

 

I cant even share this note with her

I can only stand in silence

And lose myself to lustful desires

Of a spiritual flavor

As vague as the word entitles itself to be

I couldn’t use another one

 

Her world is certainly a place I would be lost in forever

Like a lucid dream while the choral is echoing in the background

Hypnotic, dark, beautiful

Powerful, chaotic

I can only describe it as a celestial altar

On which my self shall scatter and disperse to hundreds of parcels

Ones I could never assemble

 

I am the snake you know

The one in front of the flute

I won’t bite and I can’t

But I am just not there with you

I am elsewhere, in her unreality

Lost and infatuated

 

Let the coven scream my thousand stabs in the dark

Let them spill my blood and offer me as a sacrifice to the priestess of the temple

The one at the horizon in between darkness and light

One that submerges the hidden seas

One that I have visited a couple of times in the past and future

One which is doomed to despair

 

 

Self

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Author: Venusian Cenobite

Do not read me if you get easily offended. Any antisocial material published under this blog is fictional and should not be taken seriously.

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