Inner Experiences Of Intimacy

Why do i still see them as objects of my desire? I would look from a hidden angle to the natural beauty of their faces, stare, the way their lips move, the perfection of their nose, their male eyebrows, the shining hair… The vision is a cure in itself but sooner i would project my own negativity into imagining myself with them as two human beings who are experiencing unease.

Her because she does not recognize the happening as something that makes sense, thus should get back to her individual life, friends, family, studies or career. Me because of what i am experiencing internally. The destructive feelings are so strong, and thoughts are like whispers but somehow i understand what they are saying.

“You and her. Your dreams. You will never make it. Listen to the white noise that is inside you. It is just a mirror of nothingness. You and her shall not be. You are not…”

The feelings come into many ways of dark inspirations.

Either the feeling of an implosion but your shell remains intact. You feel it whereas everything inside get swallowed by a dark black hole. I cannot take it anymore…

Or feelings of a strong crushing inside. My heart, my lungs, my spirit being crushed inside. I cannot fake it anymore. That i am ok.

Intimacy is crushing me. I long for it each night so strongly, while i know it will lead me and deliver me to evil. That moment when you hear the wicked laughs. That moment when you feel possessed by dark archetypes. Once it was the persona of the mad joker who’s only thought was of throwing my self off the racing train.

I stood there. Feeling him inside me. Losing control of my limbs. Knowing each of his thoughts. Just jump, it would be super funny ha ha ha…

Behold. I can see a river. Its face is so calm and steady. Cold. A reflection of what’s above. The blue and white heavens. Feel it. Feel its coolness. You are the river. So big and wide that will make all your worries and black holes drown. You are the river…

Self.
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Author: Venusian Cenobite

Do not read me if you get easily offended. Any antisocial material published under this blog is fictional and should not be taken seriously.

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